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by
Ronald Mah
Corwin
Press, 2006
by
Ronald Mah
Corwin
Press, 2008

Calligraphy
for "Learning" in
Handouts
(Mini-Posters)
DVDs
by Ronald Mah
on Children's Behavior,
Discipline, and Child
Development at
Articles
for Parents, Teachers, Educators, and Human Services Professionals
Consulting,
Parent
Education,
&
Staff Development
Workshops
&
Trainings
Professional
Development
Workshops, Articles, & Consultation,
for
Therapists
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| |
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Handouts
HANDOUT
FILES AND EXPLANATIONS
In my work with parents, teachers,
social workers, therapists, and other social services professionals, I
have developed or replicated information on handouts that summarize
important principles, concepts, or theories that lead to more successful
interventions. You may download the files for your use.
|
Follow Links to Handout Files on:
Development
Understanding
Children & Discipline
Communication
& Conflict
Teenage
Issues
Change
& Growth Issues
Mini-Posters
& Information
Adult
Issues & Work Dynamics
| DEVELOPMENT: |
|
Basic
Rules of Developmental Theories
Developmentally Appropriate Practices
for Infant/Toddlers Care
Interest
Area Focuses for Early Childhood Development
|
Ainsworth's
Patterns of Attachment Theory
Piaget's
Stages of Cognitive Development
The
Caterpillar- Zorba the Greek on Development
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|
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1)
Development happens in STAGES.
2)
There are CRITICAL PERIODS
in development when the person is more vulnerable to harm or available for
growth.
3)
QUANTITATIVE changes lead to QUALITATIVE
change.
Small
increases in quantity (amount, frequency, skill, etc.) lead to significant
quality differences or movement into another stage.
4)
Development is SEQUENTIAL.
There is an order to development… 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.
5)
Development is PROGRESSIVE.
The development of the earlier stages set up for the
development of later stages.
6)
SKIPPING or RUSHING development doesn't work and/or causes harm. The developmental
demands that are skipped or rushed will pull the person back for
completion or resolution until they are completed.
You can get stuck or regress to such stages until they are
resolved.
7)
Excessive STRESS, ABUSE, or
TRAUMA will get people stuck or to regress at that stage. Such
extreme experiences draw a person's energy and attention away from dealing
with or resolving the developmental needs of the individual's stage.
(Skipping or Rushing development creates stress in of itself.)
8)
DEVELOPMENTAL ENERGY will eventually reassert itself.
9)
RESILIENCY allows for skipped, rushed, incomplete, stalled,
regressed, or suppressed Development to be re-stimulated in the organism.
10)
SATIATION
of developmental needs allows for movement on to the next developmental
challenge.
Until the developmental needs of the stage are met, an individual
will stay in the stage.

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DEVELOPMENTALLY
APPROPRIATE PRACTICES
FOR
INFANT/TODDLER CARE
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Part
1: TEN PRINCIPLES OF INFANT/TODDLER CAREGIVING
*from
Infants, Toddlers, and Caregivers
(1989), by Janet Gonzalez-Mena & Dianne Widmeyer Eyer, Mayfield
Publishing Company, 1240 Villa St., Mountain View, CA 94041.
1.
Involve infants and toddlers in things that concern them.
Don't work around them or distract them to get the job done faster.
2.
Invest in quality time, when you are totally available to individual
infants and toddlers.
Don't settle for supervising groups without focusing (more than
just briefly) on individual children.
3.
Learn each child's unique ways of communicating (cries, words, movements,
gestures, facial expressions, body positions) and teach them yours.
Don't underestimate their ability to communicate even though their
verbal language skills may be non-existent or minimal.
4.
Invest in time and energy to build a total person (concentrate on the
"whole child").
Don't focus on cognitive
development alone or look at it as separate from total development.
5.
Respect infants and toddlers as worthy people. Don't treat them as objects
or cut little empty-headed creatures to be manipulated.
6.
Be honest about your feelings around infants and toddlers.
Don't pretend to feel something that you don't or not to feel
something that you do.
7.
Model the behavior you want to teach.
Don't preach.
8.
Recognize problems as learning opportunities, and let infants and toddlers
try to solve their own difficulties.
Don't rescue them, constantly make life easy for them, or try to
protect them from all problems.
9.
Build security by teaching trust.
Don't teach distrust by being undependable of often inconsistent.
10.
Be concerned about the quality
of development in each stage.
Don't rush infants and toddlers to reach development milestones.*
Note:
If you look at these principles carefully, you will notice that they are
excellent principles for working with preschoolers, older children, and
people in general, and in a variety of situations!
(continued)
(for
the complete handout, go to...)

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INTEREST
AREA FOCUSES FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT |
Blocks: blocks
are designed in mathematical units. Get
concrete understanding of concepts essential to logical understanding:
sizes, shapes, numbers, order, area, length, and weight; large and small
muscle development; language, aesthetic, and social development;
cooperative play; problem solving; respecting others work.
4
stages of block play: Carrying Blocks, Piling Blocks and Laying Blocks
on the Floor, Connecting Blocks to Create Structures (3-4), Making
Elaborate Constructions (4-6).
House Corner: a
forum where they can safely act out fears and relive life experiences. Take on the roles they fear and learn to control them.
Opportunities to learn. Act
out roles, develop skills. Learn about selves, families, and society. Fine
motor skill development. Cooperation
and negotiation skills.
3
stages of dramatic play: Imitative Role Play (1yr)- like real
people they know- using real props; Make-Believe Play using
imagination using symbolic props- inventive actions and situations (fears
and worries); Socio-Dramatic Play (3-4yr)- includes elements of two
previous stages but requires verbal interaction btwn two or more children-
requires a planning of roles, complex plots, and more time.
Table Toys:
Physical, socio-emotional, and cognitive skills-
3
functional categories: self-correcting toys which fit together
in a specific way.
Open-ended
toys which have not right
or wrong solution; Collectibles are like open-ended toys but are
composed of sets of like objects.
2
stages of play: exploration where use all senses to become
familiar with a toy; followed by experimentation which is the
actual use of the object- test to see how it works and how many ways it
works.
Art: promotes
creativity, is fun, develops physical skills including hand-eye
coordination and fine motor movements, instills pride.
Means to express, make choices, try out, plan, and experiment. Explore and discover.
4
stages of drawing and painting (from 18 months to six years) :
disordered scribbling, controlled scribbling, naming a picture that was
not planned, and representational drawing.
Sand & Water:
encounter principles of math and science; physical dexterity, social
skills, cognitive learning and skills (sink & float), sensory
satisfaction.
3
stages of sand and water play: sensory motor exploration; planned
and experimental play; greater complexity, drama, imagination
(more cooperative).
Library Corner:
to gain information & adjust to new experiences, learn to deal with
difficult events, acquire specific knowledge, become familiar with
different kinds of literature, learn about social responsibilities, learn
new ideas, expand imagination and creativity, have their life experiences
reinforced, understand their feelings, fears, and problems are not unique
to them, feel good about themselves.
2
stages of library use: exploration and experimentation.
5
stages of book use: exploration, playing at reading, and having
books read to them; understanding
sequencing of stories (beginning, middle, end)- details important; learn
to relate stories to pictures and words- gaining more awareness of
written words as symbols for ideas and thoughts; matching words to
printed text; focus on text and meaning of words - begin sight
word recognition.
Outdoors: an
extension of indoor classroom (cognitive, socio-emotional, and physical
learning) plus outdoor sensory experiences, science, etc.
2
stages of outdoor play: exploration and experimentation.
Resource:
The Creative Curriculum For Early Childhood, by Diane Trister Dodge,
published by Teaching Strategies, Inc. P.O. Box 42243, Washington D.C.
20015, distributed by Gryphon House, Inc., P.O. Box 275, Mt. Rainer, MD
20712, 1988.
 
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Ainsworth's
Patterns of Attachment Theory*
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Secure
Attachment
(66%):
Attachment
style in which an infant separates readily from the primary caregiver and
actively seeks out the caregiver when she or he returns.
Avoidant
Attachment
(20%):
Attachment
style in which an infant rarely cries when the primary caregiver leaves
and avoids contact on his or her return.
Ambivalent
(resistant) Attachment
(12%):
Attachment
style in which an infant becomes anxious before the primary caregiver
leaves but both seeks and resists contact on the caregiver's return.
Disorganized-Disoriented
Attachment:
Attachment
style in which an infant shows contradictory behaviors, and seems confused
and afraid.
Characteristics
of caregivers of securely
attached babies:
most
sensitive to babies demands in first year of life;
observed
"demand" feeding;
responsive
to cues to stop, slow down, or speed up feeding;
more
likely to soothe babies when they cried- to answer babies sounds;
more
likely to talk to babies when they looked into caregiver's face;
tend
to hold them closer to their bodies;
more
responsive and skilled in caretaking;
had
positive feelings about themselves.
Characteristics
of caregivers of avoidant
attached babies:
angriest
of all caregivers;
tense;
irritable;
lacking
in confidence;
seemed
uninterested in their babies;
trouble
expressing their feelings;
shied
away from close physical contact with their babies.
Characteristics
of caregivers of ambivalently
attached babies:
well
meaning but less capable;
tended
to score lower on IQ tests;
understand
less how to meet their babies' needs.
*A
Child's World, Infancy Through Adolescence, Papalia and Olds,
McGraw-Hill, Inc. New York,
1993.

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PIAGET'S
STAGES OF COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
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Sensorimotor
(0-18 months)- six substages
1) reflexes (0-1 month)
that gradually become more efficient: sucking, grasping, kicking.
2)
primary circular reactions (1-4
months) repetition for own sake without any intention.
3)
secondary circular reactions
(4-6 months) repeated actions to produce effects that seem interesting.
4)
coordination of secondary reactions
(7-10 months) mastery of responses that child uses to create specific
desired effects.
5)
tertiary circular reactions
(11-18 months) active trial and error experimentation.
6)
internal mental inventions (18
months) invention of new means of affecting self and world through
internal mental combinations.
Preoperational
(18 months-age 7)
Characterized by the development and use of language; understanding
the meanings of objects; and events are manipulated; as well as overt
actions. Treat objects as symbolic
of other things. Not
necessarily committed to fine
articulated rules and concepts.
Concrete
Operations
(age 7-12)
Now
can make a mental representation of an entire sequence of events;
Conservation of volume; Relational terms distinguishable (which is darker? between
two light objects); Class
inclusion understood (more yellow or more candles);
Still present centered.
Formal
Operations
(age 12 and up)
Can consider all
alternatives to solve problems; Is deductive;
Can do hypothetical thinking;
can use abstract rules to solve
a whole class of problems; rational
and systematic; self-conscious
and highly reflective; is more future
oriented and remote.

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The
Caterpillar
Nikos
Kazantzakis, Zorba the Greek
|
I
remember one morning when I discovered a cocoon in the bark of a tree,
just as a butterfly was making a hole in its case and preparing to come
out. I waited a while, but it
was too long appearing and I was impatient.
I bent over and breathed on it to warm it.
I warmed it as quickly as I could and the miracle began to happen
before my eyes, faster than life. The
case opened, the butterfly started slowly crawling out and I shall never
forget my horror when I saw how its wings were folded back and crumpled;
the wretched butterfly tried with his whole trembling body to unfold them.
Bending over it, I tried to help it with my breath.
In vain.
It
needed to be hatched out patiently and the unfolding of the wings should
be a gradual process in the sun. Now
it was too late. My breath
had forced the butterfly to appear, all crumpled, before its time. It struggled desperately and, a few seconds later, died in
the palm of my hand.
That
little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight I have on my conscience.
For I realized today that it is a mortal sin to violate the great
laws of nature. We should not
hurry, we should not be impatient, that we should confidently obey the
internal rhythm.

 
|
Follow Links to Handout Files on:
Development
Understanding
Children & Discipline
Communication
& Conflict
Teenage
Issues
Change
& Growth Issues
Mini-Posters
& Information
Adult
Issues & Work Dynamics
| UNDERSTANDING
CHILDREN & DISCIPLINE |
|
Principles
for becoming strong, or to build a strong successful child
Learning
Disabilities & Child Behavior
A
Hierarchy of Discipline
Incentive
Based Behavioral Modification Program for Children
Daily Behavior Report w/short explanations about how to use in a
school/parent partnership
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Diagnostic
Order for Understanding & Approaching Behavior (including
"Hyper" Behavior, Acting Out, Tantrums, etc.)
Ten
Most Important Skills
Stages
of Blending in a Step-Family
Temperamental
Evaluations
Quick
Check for Learning Styles
Social
Cues- 13 Reasons People Miss Social Cues (with Interventions)
|
|
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SFFS
SS SS SF
Principles
for becoming strong, or to build a strong successful child
dvd
named "Childhood Stress" on this topic available at www.FixedEarthFilms.com
|
| Stress |
One must experience stress, since stress is what builds strength.
Avoiding
stress, avoids opportunities to grow.
|
| Frustrate |
One must experience frustration to learn how to survive it and deal
with it
successfully,
since it accompanies life experiences, stresses, and challenges.
Avoiding frustration results in avoiding the stress that builds.
|
| Fail |
One must experience and become comfortable of failure, since failure is
a natural consequence of trying anything or learning anything. Fear of failure results in one of two consequences: one will
become socio-pathic and willing to win at all costs, no matter how harmful it
is to oneself, others or the community; or, to guarantee no failure, one will
not try.
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| Suffer
|
While experiencing stress, frustration, and failure, one must also
suffer in order to experience that one can suffer without being destroyed or
overwhelmed; to discover ones resiliency.
If one feels that one cannot tolerate any suffering, then one will do
extreme compulsive behaviors in order to avoid suffering. |
| Sensitivity |
A person can endure stress, frustration, failure, and suffering, if
his/her caring authoritative individuals has the sensitivity to understand
his/her abilities, limitations, and capacities. |
| Support |
With that sensitivity, then such caring authoritative individuals can
offer the appropriate support that one needs to benefit from stress,
frustration, failure, and suffering. |
| Strength
|
From the experiences with sensitive support, one will develop strength,
and
|
| Skills |
From the experiences with sensitive support, one will develop skills. |
| Survive |
From the experiences, strength, and skills, one will develop a
confidence that despite the difficulties and challenges of the world, they
will survive.
|
| Flourish |
Once one is confident that he/she can survive, then he/she can risk and
have the opportunity to flourish in the world.
|
**All
individuals must go through Stress, Frustration, Failure, & Suffering to
grow powerful. To build powerful
successful children, parents must stress, frustrate, let their children fail,
and make sure they suffer! W/
sensitivity, they can support their children through this to develop strength
& skills that will ensure survival and offer the possibility of
flourishing.

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Learning
Disabilities & Child Behavior
dvd
named "Learning Diversity" on this topic is available at www.FixedEarthFilms.com
|
PROCESSING
DIFFICULTIES & DIFFERENCES
Children with Learning Disabilities
(Learning Disorders), or who are considered Learning Different process,
integrate, and retrieve information differently, and/or have weaknesses in
their processing, integration, and retrieval mechanisms.
Learning Disabilities are not
grown out of, nor do they go away.
The technical definition is a substantial difference between a child's
academic achievement and what is expected for someone his/her age.
LD's include deficits in visual perception, linguistic processes,
auditory processes, attention, and memory.
Examples
of LD's include:
A child who clearly hears
instructions but is inefficient in processing the information into short term
memory. He/she
then "forgets," and gets in trouble.
In reality, this is the result of an auditory processing problem;
A child who is not as efficient as
other children in retrieving information from his/her cognitive storage, and
takes more time to find the answer to a question.
Unaware that the teacher has gotten a correct answer from the other
children and has asked a new question because he/she had been concentrating on
finding the answer, the LD child gives out that answer for the previous
question. His/her
correct answer (to the previous question) but incorrect answer (to the current
question!) is seen as him/her being funny by his/her classmates, but as being
disruptive by the teacher.
A child is attentive and understands
the materials presented, and participates appropriately verbally in
class, then turns in an unclear jumbled written assignment with disconnected
thoughts. Criticized
for poor effort, the child actually has an LD processing problem that makes it
difficult and confusing as he/she tries to put ideas and opinions in written
form.
A child is a very slow reader and is
making very minimal progress becoming a better reader.
He/she is thought to not care and/or mentally deficient.
The child may have an undiagnosed visual perception learning disability
creating difficulty in distinguishing the differences in letters that are
"mirrors" of each other: "b" & "d",
"p" & "q", "M" & "W",
"Z" & "N".
MISDIAGNOSED
& MISUNDERSTOOD
LD children are often misdiagnosed.
They are seen as mentally deficient, or resistant to learning.
They are often criticized for not paying attention and being lazy.
They are constantly being told to try harder.
Their motivation is questioned- adults often think they don't care.
The lack of learning or progress is sometimes seen as the child being
defiant.
Having encountering failure after
failure despite tremendous effort, being constantly criticized and harangued,
feeling tremendous frustration, and having had his/her self-esteem devastated,
the LD child may start acting out and fulfill the negative criticisms of being
a lazy, unmotivated, stupid, and defiant child.
TRYING
AS HARD AS THEY CAN- "JUST STUPID"
LD children are constantly being
encouraged and admonished to try harder, and constantly being doubted that
they are trying hard.
LD children, like other children try very hard to please their parents
and children, and to be accepted by their other children.
So, they try very hard.. and then try even harder...and harder.
They try as hard as they can, but their learning disability may prevent
them from being successful; and prevent them from satisfying or pleasing the
important adults and from not being labeled negatively by them and the other
children.
As they try and fail, try harder and
fail, try as hard as they can and still fail, LD children are stigmatized by
adults and other children as being stupid- worse, they believe themselves to
be stupid. After
all, all that trying just proved it.
LD children are often demoralized and their self-esteem destroyed.
Loss of self-esteem in LD children, as in all children makes them
vulnerable to a tremendous number of other negative behaviors (emotional
problems, relationship problems, violence, defiance, substance abuse, and so
forth).
COMPENSATION-
TRY DIFFERENTLY, NOT TRY HARDER!
The key to successfully helping LD children progress comes from first,
recognizing that the child's lack of success or progress is not due to other
issues (especially negatively judgmental issues); second, successfully
identifying the specific learning disability or learning difference
that the child has; and third, training the child to use compensating
techniques and/or skills.
This type of instruction is specialized and drawing assistance from and
using specially educated and trained professional resources is usually
required and recommended.
Not all schools have staff that are equipped to do this.
There is philosophy in some educational programs to put LD children in
a less demanding academic environment, give them easier work, and allow them
to "succeed" in that way.
As a result, some LD children complete public school, get a diploma,
and are sent into advanced academic programs and/or the work world without
any acquired compensatory skills or techniques to function successfully
with their learning disability in the real world.
And, then they fail.
Parents need to forcefully advocate
for their children to be taught LD Survival Skills! and not just be passed through schools.
 
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This
hierarchy of discipline seeks to be logical, to be careful of what the adult
teaches when he/she disciplines, to be responsive to the child, and tries to
give children responsibility but also attempts to keep the adult's
responsibility to be the adult.
**It
is very important to note that before any attempt at discipline, there needs
to be CONNECTION. Being in tune to the feelings of the child and then
validating him or her no matter the effects of his or her actions.
The feelings of upsetness, of being wronged, of being angry are always
real and valid TO THE CHILD, whether the circumstances and situation
justify the actions and results or not. If
you skip this connecting/validating process, NONE OF THE DISCIPLINE STEPS WILL
BE REALLY ABSORBED BY THE CHILD!
The
first level- Civilized!:
These principles need to be kept at the second and third levels as well. (This
is most of us promise to do until we have real children to discipline!).
Reason-
logical, not arbitrary, considerate of child and others.
Expectations-
trusts, values child's ability to be reasonable.
Parents/Teachers'
Pleasure and Displeasure- works with the child's natural instinct to please
those important to him/her.
The
second level- Creative/Logical Serving Motivations:
Dependent on finding the individual
key to situations and personalities; the adult needs to be discerning and
evaluative; the child needs to feel the logic of the motivation in how it
serves him/herself. Such logic is
internal and self-serving for the child.
Caring for others feelings and needs as a motivation for change may not
work with younger children. However,
the logic for the child is normally very short-term.
Long-term consequences are not real to him/her.
Putting things in terms of short-term consequences is important.
The
third level- Punitive and Coercive Motivations:
(This is where many of us often do our disciplining, sometimes
harmfully. We skip the second
level or cannot figure it out).
Distracting-
there are possible negative aspects to distracting as a method.
Motivation-
positive and negative (keeping the motivation as relevant and logical to the
situations as possible).
Positive- rewards and bribes.
Negative- scoldings and punishments (Timeout) & (Corporal
Punishment).
**the
second and third levels are or can be interrelated.
The
fourth level- Environmental or Ecological Approach to Children.
(Or when nothing simple seems to be
working.)
Consistency
between all involved (between parents, between parents and other important
adults including teachers) so as not to confuse them.
Information
Exchange to clarify behavior and responses, share expertise (parent to teacher
& teacher to parent)
Insight
Exchange to disclose and evaluate possible
underlying reasons for behavior.
Another
level- Taking a hard look at the Family.
Distinguishing Individual problems
versus Family problems.
This
is can be done within the family. Sometimes
professional help makes sense.
Another
level- Taking a hard look at the Individual
Distinguishing
common developmental and discipline issues with more severe and less common
challenges that interfere with the integration and processing of internal
processes and inter-personal communication.
Professional consultation normally would be highly recommended.
Be sure to find the right professional. While many parents turn to
their children’s pediatricians, their expertise is primarily in physical
medical health and development. Early childhood educators,
developmental specialists, neurologists, speech and language
professionals, mental health professionals, vocational therapists, and other
specialists are often more appropriate to consult depending on your child’s
issues.
 
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INCENTIVE
BASED BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATION PROGRAM
FOR
CHILDREN (including OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT)
|
ISSUES
& ASSESSMENT:
Many oppositional children are seeking greater
control in their own lives as a means of dealing with the lack
of power and control they otherwise feel in their own families, school,
and the community.
Many oppositional behaviors are attempts
to get validation (not just attention) from adults.
The parents and family of oppositional children,
for various reasons, are often ineffective
at giving appropriate validation and attention- they usually feel
out of control themselves (and not just with their oppositional children.
Oppositional children and their parents (or
teachers) end up in a power struggle where both lose.
Punishment
usually has become the mode of discipline despite its ineffectiveness.
Placating
the child often becomes the only alternative to avoid conflict.
Anger (and its relative Resentment)
usually becomes the predominant emotion, sabotaging the relationship.
PRINCIPLES
& GOALS:
Create real (and appropriate) power
and control for both children and parents.
Create means for the child to get validation.
Defuse the power struggle and create the "Win,
Win" situation.
Remove punishment as a mode of discipline and
replace with reinforcement/reward principles.
Remove conflict from the relationship and replace
with contracts.
Remove anger as relevant to the relationship.
STRATEGIES
& PRACTICALITIES:
Define GOALS
and REWARDS as different but related.
Punishments are not a part of this plan.
Goals are behaviors that must occur in frequent and consistent ways,
that once achieved result in Rewards.
Never take away any achieved "points."
In this plan, children never lose credit for achieved goals for
misbehavior. Misbehavior results
in the lack of progress toward goals (and resultant rewards), but does not
discredit the children's positive behavior.
This avoids the focus on punishment.
Quantify and define
children's behaviors desired by parents/adults.
Avoid subjective definitions of behavior- example, "Be good- don't
be bad", "Be more helpful around the house."
Clear definitions of desirable behaviors would be, "Do all your
homework before any TV," "Get to school on time or early every
day," "If you are going to be half an hour late or more, call and
let us know," "Put away your laundry before going to bed,"
"Do all your chores before you go out to play."
Quantify means yes or no, not "sort of" or "later" or "intend
to."
The CHILD
(through negotiation with the adult), chooses
his/her own rewards. If toys
are attractive to him/her...if money is...if privileges...if video games...if
excursions... The principle is
that these rewards have to be meaningful to the child- not to the
adult. The child should be encouraged and led to minor, more
substantial, and major rewards. (see
following page for an example).
The ADULT
(through negotiation with the child) sets
the short term, mid-term, and long term goals.
If a clean room is attractive to him/her...if chores are...if homework
is...if school attendance is...if attendance at family functions... The principle is that the goals are meaningful to the adult now,
and will have meaning for the child in life as he/she integrates them into
his/her lifestyle and expectations. The
adult should pick minor frequency &
consistency behavior goals, more substantial goals, and major goals.
More substantial and major behavioral goals may
be matched up with bonus rewards-
such as more money, more points to redeem, or a special excursion, privilege,
or present.
Once the adult and the child agrees on the
rewards and goals, then a CONTRACT
can be made (writing it up and having it signed is recommended).
With the contract, the adult does not need to be angry at the child or
punish him/her; the adult only has to adhere to his/her part of the
contract. If the child holds to
his/her end, then he/she accumulates the points, achieves the goals, and gets
the rewards. If he/she doesn't,
then he/she doesn't! The adult
has to do nothing, except not sabotage the contract.
Sabotaging the contract, would be finding ways to save the child from
getting the consequences of not behaving (no points, no goals, no rewards).
Oppositional children can be very manipulative and tend to be experts
at getting adults to change the contract to save them from the choices they
have made. DON'T DO IT! If the adult "saves" the child from his/her choice,
the adult effectively undermines him/herself and any possibility of the
child learning a sense of responsibility.
While this plan can be very effective, it depends
on the adult following through. In
addition, not all children are oppositional because of their need for power
and control. Sometimes, they are
oppositional because of the adult's controlling.
And, sometimes, they are oppositional because of profoundly adverse
family issues.
(continued)
(for
the complete handout w/examples of incentive plans, go to...)
 
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Microsoft Excel version
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DAILY
BEHAVIOR REPORT
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Name:
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Date:
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Point
Guide**
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Child
scoring
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Teacher
scoring
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Activity*
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Comments
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Points
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Description
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Line
up / Into Class
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5
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Perfect/No
Problems or Issues out of hand;
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Class
Time
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4
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Issues
resolved well
Good
Behavior;
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AM
Recess
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Class
Time
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Minor
Teacher Interventions
Fairly
Good: Greater Teacher Intervention;
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LUNCH
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Class
Time
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2
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Issues
not fully resolved
Problematic
Despite Teacher Intervention;
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PM
Recess
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Class
Time
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1
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Issues
still happening
Oppositional/Defiant
Behavior;
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Dismissal
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0
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Lack of
Resolution
Tantrums/Fights/Behavior
Code Violations
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_____/45
total
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_____/45
total
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*Teachers
should adapt the Activity list to those that are relevant to the child's and
classroom's particular schedule.
Instructions:
Use top portion for the daily report. The child should score him/herself 0-5
on behavior for each time period.
The
Teacher will score the child 0-5 on behavior for each time period, and use any
scoring differences to TEACH and clarify specific behavior expectations.
Based
on an average score of "3" ("3" meaning fairly good
behavior w/, significant teacher intervention) a total score of 27 may be an
initial goal. Example: 9 activity periods times an average of "4"
points each = 36 points.
**
Note: This is strictly a BEHAVIOR guide.
It is not intended to be about academics per se.
The focus is feedback on behavior that would preclude academic, social,
and emotional progress.
With
success, the target score should be raised.
Rewards
may be attached to the scores.
This is a daily behavior report.
For some children, a weekly report may be more appropriate.
The day is broken into parts to help identify both successful and
unsuccessful periods of the day (as opposed to the whole day being described
as a "bad day."
 
|
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Microsoft Word version
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DIAGNOSTIC
ORDER FOR
UNDERSTANDING & APPROACHING BEHAVIOR
(including
"Hyper" Behavior, Acting Out, Tantrums, etc.)
dvd
named "Understanding Children, Understanding Behavior, for More Effective
Discipline" on this topic is available at www.FixedEarthFilms.com
|
1)
Developmental factors (including life cycle issues for adults)
CAUSE: development, age, maturation
TREATMENT: satiation of developmental needs
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGEMENTS: person is reacting normally
to normal development
TOLERANCE: high (if developmental stage is
recognized)
2)
Situational factors (other children/colleagues, availability of
toys/resources)
CAUSE: situation
TREATMENT: change the situation
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: person is reacting normally
to the immediate situation only
TOLERANCE: high
3)
Physical condition
CAUSE: fatigue, hunger
TREATMENT: treat condition- rest or feed
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: normal reaction;
condition changes, then behavior changes
TOLERANCE: high
4)
Emotional condition (situational)
CAUSE: fear, anxiety, joy, sadness, grief
TREATMENT: validate emotions, teach appropriate
expression
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: person is reacting normally;
colleague or supervisor may have judgment
about appropriateness of the feeling
TOLERANCE: high (depends on own comfort
w/expression of emotions)
*5)
Temperamental factors
CAUSE: personality
TREATMENT: adjust for temperament/ socialize
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: person is reacting based
on innate normal traits for him/her
TOLERANCE: *high for temperament, *low for
behavior
*6)
Environmental/ecological factors (family, school, work systems)
CAUSE: family/school systems, turmoil, constraints- dysfunctionality
TREATMENT: alter system, change environment
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: person is reacting normally
to an adverse environment;
TOLERANCE: high- sympathetic
(colleague/supervisor may have guilt)
*7)
Pathology (psychological)
CAUSE: person's psychological problem/disorder
TREATMENT: treat problem/disorder-
"sick" patient
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS: something is wrong
with the person
TOLERANCE: low to high?
**8)
Morality
CAUSE: evil or rotten essence
TREATMENT: abandonment, punishment, damnation, or
seeking of spiritual intervention
IMPLICATIONS/JUDGMENTS:
person is unsalvageable by another's activity or intervention
TOLERANCE: none to ?
(for
complete handout w/ more explanations, go to...)

download
Microsoft Word version
|
The
Ten Most Important Skills
Parents Can Teach Kids
from
the Fremont Unified School District, Fremont, CA
dvd
on this topic is available
at www.FixedEarthFilms.com
|
1.
Problem Solving-
putting knowledge and ability into action.
2.
Common Sense-
using good judgment.
3.
Teamwork-
working with others.
4.
Caring-
showing concerns for others.
5.
Perseverance-
completing what is started.
6.
Initiative-
moving into action.
7.
Responsibility-
doing what’s right.
8.
Effort-
being willing to work hard.
9.
Motivation-
wanting to do it.
10.
Confidence-
feeling able to do it.
And…
“Do
I model this behavior for my child?”

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Microsoft Word version
|
STAGES
OF BLENDING IN A STEP-FAMILY
|
1)
THE FANTASY STAGE
Where everything is happy and the
family only see the good things; the couple is happy to have each other; the
children are excited to have a mother or a father living with them again, and
they are excited about the new siblings.
2)
THE CONFUSION STAGE
Where the romance and excitement has
worn off for the parents and the children, and reality starts to sink in;
everybody starts to wonder if this is really going to last.
3)
THE CONFLICT STAGE
Feelings of anger and aggression may
emerge with a lot of tension and stress on the family; issues of money and
power may arise. This stage may
be overcome by using resolution skills.
4)
THE COMING TOGETHER STAGE
This is a less intense stage where
everyone is learning to work and live together peacefully and things are
becoming balanced.
5)
THE RESOLUTION STAGE
During this stage the family starts
to bond together and accept the reality of their new family and become more
comfortable.
Refer
to the Handout in for the Basic
Rules of Developmental Theories
The basic rules of all developmental theories apply to the Stages of
Blending in a Step-Family. Each
stage needs to be satisfactorily satiated. Sequence and progression apply.
Rushing or skipping does not work.
Stress, abuse, or trauma will get the family stuck or make it regress.
 
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Microsoft Word version
1.
Activity Level: How active generally is the child/person from an early
age?
2.
Distractibility: How easily is the child/person distracted?
Can s/he pay attention?
3.
Intensity: How loud is the child/person generally, whether happy or
unhappy?
4.
Regularity: How predictable is the child/person in his/her patterns of
sleep, appetite, bowel habits?
5.
Persistence: Does the child/person stay with something s/he likes? How
persistent or stubborn is s/he when wants something?
6.
Sensory threshold: How does the child/person react to sensory stimuli:
noise, bright lights, colors, smells, pain, warm weather, tastes, the texture
and feel of clothes?
Is s/he easily bothered?
Is s/he easily over-stimulated?
7.
Approach/withdrawal: What is the child/person's initial response to
newness- new places, people, foods, clothes?
8.
Adaptability: How does the child/person deal with transition and
change?
9.
Mood: What is the child/person's basic mood?
Do positive or negative reactions predominate?
*Important
to note that high or low in any trait is not implicitly good or bad.
TEMPERAMENTAL EVALUATION & GOODNESS OF FIT EVALUATION
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TRAITS |
SELF |
SPOUSE |
CHILD1 |
CHILD 2
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CHILD3
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1.
Activity Level
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2.
Distractibility
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3.
Intensity
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4.
Regularity
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5.
Persistence
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6.
Sensory threshold
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7.
Approach/Withdrawal
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8.
Adaptability
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9.
Mood
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TEMPERAMENTAL
TRAITS
EASY <------------------------------> DIFFICULT
Activity
Level
LOW
<----------------------------------- > HIGH
Distractibility LOW
<----------------------------------- > HIGH
Intensity LOW
<----------------------------------- > HIGH
Regularity
REGULAR <---------------------- > IRREGULAR
Persistence
LOW
<----------------------------------- > HIGH
Sensory
threshold HIGH <------------------------------------ > LOW
Approach/withdrawal
APPROACH <----------------- > WITHDRAWAL
Adaptability GOOD <---------------------------------- > POOR
Mood
POSITIVE <------------------------- > NEGATIVE
FIVE
ELEMENT PROGRAM
1) EVALUATION- defining the problem, study your child, family
reactions.
2) REGAINING ADULT AUTHORITY- think temperament and to deal with
behavior instead of responding emotionally or instinctively to what you
perceive as the child's motives.
Learn to:
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disengage, |
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to become neutral in attitude, |
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to think and evaluate before
responding, |
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to understand behavior as it is
related to temperament, |
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to replace why is he doing this to me w/ how
can I understand his behavior.
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3) MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES- management is different from discipline.
Labeling, cooling off, sense of timing, dealing with change, eye contact,
choices, introducing gradually, understanding manipulative versus
temperamental tantrums.
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Engage in
self-monitoring and understanding your child.
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4) FAMILY GUIDANCE
5) SUPPORT GROUPS
Book
recommendation: The Difficult Child, Stanley Turecki, M.D., Bantam
Books, New York, 1989.
(continued)
(for
a more extensive handout, go to...)

download
Microsoft Word version
|
QUICK
CHECK FOR LEARNING STYLE
|
When you get a new gadget or new game, what is your instinctual
reaction? a) start playing around w/it, b) read the instructions, c) have
someone tell you how to do it.
To learn how to get to somewhere new, what is
your preference? a) have someone take/show you, b) look at a map, c) have
someone verbally give you instructions.
In a classroom or seminar situation what format
do you prefer? a) discussion, b) visual aids, c) lecture.
MOTOR-KINESTHETIC LEARNERS tend to favor answers (a).
VISUAL LEARNERS tend to favor answers (b).
AUDITORY LEARNERS tend to favor answers (c).
If
you favor a combination of these choices or if it is hard for you to chose one
over another, then you probably have strengths in more than one learning
style.
Auditory (listening)
Strengths:
Spelling, Phonics, Vocabulary, Ten Verbal Excuses, Talks a lot, Reads
out loud well.
Weaknesses:
Poor Reading, Poor Following Directions, Can't
Hear Differences between sounds, Says "gizmo", "whosit",
Poor comprehension.
Visual (seeing)
Strengths:
Enjoys books w/ pictures, Recalls location of
objects, Comments on clothing, Puzzles, Drawings, Notice/comment on visual
detail.
Weaknesses:
Short attention for paper/pencil tasks, Poor
printing, Poor visual memory, Poor spacing when writing, Skip words when
reading aloud.
Motor Kinesthetic (movement, touch)
Strengths:
Bear
hugs, Thump buddies on back, Loves climbing-never spills, Touch everything,
Makes airplanes & fans from paper, Loves clay, sandbox.
Weaknesses:
Illegible
handwriting, Dislikes drawing, Awkward, clumsy, Poor speech, Lacks interests
other than TV, Exhibit body tension.
------------------------------
Many
of the children who can't sit still, are always touching things, and
tantruming that you have difficulty with in the classroom or at home have
strong motor-kinesthetic tendencies. Traditional
classroom teaching is largely visually oriented.
Most teachers are visual learners, and thus, visual teachers.
As
you recognize the learning style of each child, you can teach to that style; and
you can help the child learn how to compensate for learning style weaknesses.
Examples are:
Auditory learners and knowing the time;
Motor-kinesthetic learners and touching
inappropriately or violating personal space;
Visual learners and short
pen-pencil attention span.
Creating
ways for and allowing the high energy, moving, touching motor-kinesthetic
child to satisfy these needs prevents the frustration of being unable or not
being allowed to met these needs in a strongly visually or auditorially
oriented program.
And, once these needs are satisfied, the motor kinesthetic child
is better able to attend, to sit quietly, to not touch and so forth.
In other words, what is seen as "giving in" to the child is
really a means to bring him/her into the group.

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Microsoft Word version
|
Social
Cues-
13 Reasons People Miss Social Cues (with Interventions)
dvd
on this topic is available at www.FixedEarthFilms.com
|
Individual
suffer many negative consequences from missed social cues, especially
non-verbal social cues critical to interpersonal communication.
Facial cues include muscle tension or relaxation around the eyes and
mouth, and tilting, leaning, or nodding ones head.
Additional communication mix and match from combinations of changes in
breathing, expansive to very slight movements of the hands, arms, body, and
legs. Learning
disabilities, ADHD, Aspergers, and gifted abilities can cause
misinterpretation of non-verbal social cues.
Placing these challenges among other issues affecting social cues
recognition can lead to differentiated interventions for supporting children.
There at least thirteen reasons for missing social cues.
1. Aspergers Syndrome
2.
Physical Disability
3. Cross-cultural Issues
4. Overstimulation
5. Denial
6. Anxiety
7. Neurosis
8. Disassociation
9. Learning Disabilities
10.
Attention Deficit Disorder (and
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
11.
Intoxication/Substance Abuse
12.
Schizoid Personality Disorder
13.
Psychosis
This
chart has the thirteen reasons along with accompanying implied intervention
strategies. Many reasons have
significant cross-relevance to each other.
Each issue potentially not only causes problems reading social cues,
but also can stigmatize individuals as different and increase vulnerability to
low self-esteem and bullying.
(continued)
(for
the complete handout with graphics, go to...)
 
|
Follow Links to Handout Files on:
Development
Understanding
Children & Discipline
Communication
& Conflict
Teenage
Issues
Change
& Growth Issues
Mini-Posters
& Information
Adult
Issues & Work Dynamics
|