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…I was frustrated again that you seem about to reject me again, and that makes me feel unwanted again like my mother didn't want me.…when I'm starting to feel stressed and anxious my mouth goes moves faster than my brain can tell it to be careful about what I say....I have a certainty about that you're going to hurt me from all the other times I was hurt by people I trusted.…I have adult ambivalent attachment style from my formative experiences from my emotionally erratic parents, so sometimes I adore you and other times must push you away."
(a) selective attention, an individual's tendency to notice particular aspects of the events occurring in his or her relationship and overlook others;(b) attributions, inferences about the factors that have influenced one's own and the partner's actions (e.g., concluding that a partner failed to respond to a question because he or she wants to control the relationship);(c) expectancies, predictions about the likelihood that particular events will occur in the relationship (e.g., that expressing feelings to one's partner will result in the partner being verbally abusive);(d) assumptions, beliefs about the natural characteristics of people and relationships (e.g., a wife's generalized assumption that men do not have needs for emotional attachment); and(e) standards, beliefs about the characteristics that people and relationships ''should'' have (e.g., that partners should have virtually no boundaries between them, sharing all of their thoughts and emotions with each other)" (Tilden and Dattilo, 2005, page 142).