That the individual's partner did not fulfill expectations, including ones that may have never been verbalized."You promised!" Often "promises" were not explicit, very vague, or extremely subjectively interpreted.The individual talks about being disappointed in the partner.That the partner broke his or her word.That the partner lied."I depended on him (her)."That the partner failed to follow-though.That the partner is not dependable.Interrogation about partner's time spent and activities with other people, whether or not there is potential romance (for example, questioning partner's time spent with football fan buddies)."I can't trust him (her) anymore."High demanding expectations of the partner (and therapist)- a pre-emptive strategy to avoid betrayal.Hyper or excessive focus, time, money, and energy spent on partner, including denying own needs (to "enforce" or create debt/duty of partner to comply with expectations/demands).Frequent covert and overt "scorekeeping" behaviors affecting the balance of relationship equity ("I did that for you… You need to do this for me").
Complaints about the partner being late.Upset about not knowing where the partner is.Wanting and demanding to know where the partner is, was, will be, with whom, why, and for how long.Frequent phone calls or texts to or messages left for the partner.Anger about the partner not agreeing (not being on his (her) side) when complaining about something that happened.Jealousy or anger about the partner spending time with other people.Fury that the partner forgot him (her) (or something he (she) wanted or needed).Complaints about the partner not listening, understanding, or relating to him (her) (emotional or intellectual abandonment).Frequent comments and fear about being empty, alone, or lonely.Centering life on the partner (to force partner's reciprocal centering life around him (her) in order to preclude abandonment).
Complaints about the partner disagreeing with the individual with borderline personality disorder.Complaints about the partner not spending enough time or wanting to spend time with him (her).Complaints about the partner preferring someone or something other than him (her).Anxiety about not being good enough (sexually, physically, socially, intellectually, emotionally, economically, etc.).Feeling hurt that the partner disagrees with him (her).Anxiety and complaints that the partner does not care about his (her) feelings, needs, desires, and so forth.Long lists of partner transgressions against him (her).Constantly retrieving and replaying old complaints against partner.Reliving pain and hurt of past events.Bringing up the partner's old boyfriends (girlfriends) as being favored over him (her).