Process Success & Growth - RonaldMah

Ronald Mah, M.A., Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist,
Consultant/Trainer/Author
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A Process for Success & Growth



1)   Identify Pattern & Process – How do you live…”do” life?

2)   Prediction--Predict Behavior (“Ghost of Xmas Future”) – Based on your history (pattern and process of life) predict your behavior—how you do well and how you mess up.

3)   PLAN I  -- What You Need to Do in order to be successful (a series of positive behaviors):
1…
2…
3…
4…
5 Also, Identify Your Messing Up Pattern so you can make a clear…
Prediction of Self-Sabotage Vulnerability
How will you Self-Sabotage--->      Identify Self-Sabotage Pattern  Specifically
(In other words, How will you mess (have you messed) it up!!
(Why? What was so compelling? What did you get for messing up?)

4)    PLAN II -- Plan what you need to do to avoid Self-Sabotage
1…
2…
3…
4…

Check for a Positive Outcome or a Negative Outcome.   If you have a….
POSITIVE OUTCOME---> then, examine - How to maintain positives & How to grow further

- OR -

NEGATIVE OUTCOME---> then, turn it into a Therapeutic Relapse (figure out how to benefit from the experience anyway)
|   I told you so!! |                            What did you learn?
|       Or, the Ghost of Xmas |                 What need to be aware of next time?
| Future Strikes!! |                              (and there will be a next time!!!)
                                                    What to do differently next time.

5) PLAN III - RECYCLE--->  Go back to the beginning and Repeat the Process…

Identify Pattern & Process (Round Two)

Prediction  (Round Two)--Predict Behavior (“Ghost of Xmas Future”)

PLAN I (Round Two)… And so on, and so on…..


A Process for Success & Growth
(Guide & Explanation)

1) Identify Pattern & Process – Everyone tends to live their life in some kind of pattern of choices, behavior, consequences, and reactions.  To develop a process for success and growth, one needs to first identify what that pattern is all about.  Some people have developed a pattern and process for failure and continued disappointment.  Identifying the poor choices and behaviors is the first step.

2) Prediction – Based on your history (pattern and process of life) predict your behavior—how you do well and how you mess up.  It is important to look to the probable (or even certain) negative experiences to come in life to find motivation.  In the “Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens, although the Ghost of Christmas Past haunts Scrooge about what he had and lost, and the Ghost of Christmas Present makes Scrooge sad about the conditions that Tiny Tim lives in, it is the Ghost of Christmas Future that scares the heck out of Scrooge about what he is doomed to endure if he does not change his ways!  The prediction of what one will continue to do poorly and how you will continue to fail, it what often motivates people to make the real changes in life.

3) PLAN I  -- What You Need to Do in order to be successful (a series of positive behaviors).  Most people once they find the motivation only have a “try harder” plan.  Unfortunately, the “try harder plan” is essentially taking what has already proven not to work and then apply it even more intensely!  It is critical to come up with a specific plan, probably a plan with several components or several sequential steps.  First try this, and if it doesn’t work try the next thing on the list.  Also, you need to Identify Your Messing Up Pattern.  People generally are quite familiar as to how they mess up… they’ve done it so many times!  “I get kind of tired… then I lose contact with or don’t keep up with friends or positive people… or, I get lonely…”  As you identify your Messing Up Pattern, then you can make a clear Prediction of Self-Sabotage Vulnerability assessment.  How vulnerable are you to Self-Sabotage?  And, more specifically, how will you Self-Sabotage.  In other words, Identify Self-Sabotage Pattern  Specifically.  In other words, “How will you mess (have you messed) it up!?”  Also, normally there is something compelling that leads to the messing up.  And, some benefit.  So, “Why? What was so compelling? What did you get for messing up?”

4) PLAN II -- Plan what you need to do to avoid Self-Sabotage.  Most people plan only for success, despite numerous experiences of failure.  Yet, they are paralyzed that plans don’t work out, or that they come to the point of Self-Sabotage… again.  Make a specific plan for the point of vulnerability: when that negative person starts to sound right, when that toxic person starts to become attractive, when you’re feel sorry for yourself, or feeling hopeless, or scared…  What exactly (another 5 to 8 point sequential plan) are you going to do?  (And, not just try harder!)  Who are you going to call?  Where are you going to do?  How are you getting help or support?  How will you self-nurture?  How will you answer those negative thoughts?


Check for a Positive Outcome or a Negative Outcome.   If you have a POSITIVE OUTCOME---> then, examine - How to maintain positives & How to grow further.  Positive outcomes are not accidents, nor are they about luck.  What you did or didn’t do, what happened instead made the difference?  Whatever you did well, correctly, “right”, or differently made the difference.  Give yourself credit.  Appreciate yourself.  And take note so that you can draw back upon the same stuff the next time.  Why?  Because there will be a next time!  Many next times!

i. OR -

If you have a NEGATIVE OUTCOME then, catch yourself before you beat yourself up too much (this is part of your negative pattern!) and engage in self-destructive behavior such as isolating, drinking, denial, etc. (another part of your negative pattern).  Examine why and how the negative outcome happened so that you can turn it into a Therapeutic Relapse.  A Therapeutic Relapse is a lapse into old negative behavior that becomes a learning/teaching experience to understand and identify more clearly your negative patterns and processes.  It is important to avoid self-recriminations and figure out how to benefit from the experience anyway.  Normally, the negative outcome is not because the new plans didn’t work.  It is because you reverted to the old patterns, or the prediction became realized… again, because you basically did the same negative things and self-sabotaged.  So, gather yourself and ask, What did you learn?  What do you need to be aware of next time?  And, plan What to do differently next time.

5)    PLAN III – RECYCLE Plans I & II   It took years to develop your negative patterns and negative processes.  Realize and accept (no matter how much you don’t like it) that you will take time to truly develop positive patterns and positive processes.  So keep working on them.  Go back to the beginning and Repeat the Process…

Identify Pattern & Process (Round Two)

Prediction  (Round Two)--Predict Behavior (“Ghost of Xmas Future”)

PLAN I (Round Two)… And so on, and so on…..

People often go through a plan or two, get frustrated, get discouraged and then give up (another part of the negative pattern!).  Keep on working at it over and over.  Keep on examining and adjusting it.  Getting other input or even professional guidance may be ways to break the pattern or change the process.  Eventually, the adjusting will become fine-tuning. Don’t stop.  Keep growing.
ADDRESS:
433 Estudillo Ave., #305
San Leandro, CA 94577-4915
Ronald Mah, M.A., Ph.D.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, MFT32136
CONTACT INFORMATION:
phone: (510) 614-5641
fax: (510) 889-6553
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